I'm almost finished with my second year at college. I've pretty much learned how to be independent and live on my own. However, I have not learned how to get rid of the feeling of missing home. Maybe not everything about being home, but definitely the warmth of home.
I am the oldest child of three. I am used to taking care of other people before myself. This was/is a big concept for me to get used to at college because the only person i have to care for is myself. This is scary because I've never really considered what I want. I feel as though I have been dropped in the middle of the ocean, all alone, drifting about and finding my own way to shore, and whatever shore i land on i have to be satisfied with. I miss being able to care for someone else because it takes my mind off of my troubles, it eases my mind. So basically i'm acting selfishly unselfish.
I am a country gal. My sister, mom, and I have had horses since I was in the third grade. I joined 4H in fourth grade. We moved out to the country to have our own place and property my freshman year in high school. Since then I would stay out in the barn late into the night. Some nights my mom or dad would have to come out and check on me to make sure I was ok or basically to drag my butt inside. I miss coming in to shower and finding each boot filled with either dirt or hay. Or taking off my jeans and finding hay inside the waist of my jeans (i never knew how it got in there). I even miss the dirty hand and finger nails. The kind where you rub your hands together and flakes of dirt rub off. Or you look in the mirror and your eye lashes are highlighted light brown from the dust from the arena. Your boogers are brown and teeth are sparkling white.
I miss walking slowly into the house from the barn and seeing more stars in the sky than there are people on earth. I miss the melody of the frogs in the pool in the back yard. I miss the dear that would play hide n' seek in the pasture or the occasional night owl.
I miss waking up early (5:45 or 6) to to orange and blue sun rise, the brisk morning air, the dew on the ground, turning the light on in the barn and hearing at least four horses nickering a sweet 'good morning'. I miss watching the cats pounce around, tangling themselves under your feet as you try and balance an armful of hay for the next horse.
I miss coming inside and finding mom asleep on the couch with her cat/dog (shitzu named Dawson) also asleep at her feet. Dad is in his room either watching a car show on tv or looking around on Craig's list for useless things. Kyle is more than likely playing video games and kara either in her room with the radio on or moving around the house. Dinner would still be on the counter, cold of course because I've been in the barn, and I would accidently wake mom from grabbing the remote from her hand. She would ask me about the barn and the horses, half asleep, and then fall back asleep.
